right then, i’ll drop you lot back to carlisle, then im off to ebay this baby, i’d keep it but it i don’t have the room on my driveway since i bought my hummer… soon they were waving pearl off from the driveway of andrew’s house, once inside they began putting everything back to normal after simon’s hoods had been through it… if they have touched my lego i swear they are for it… growled andrew, he ran upstairs, then came down smiling… well, i’m good, all 6012 bricks accounted for… he flopped down on the sofa… kyle, holding a duster, looked at him, how on earth can you count them that quick?… oh he’s quite talented like that, said morag, can’t add for toffee but show him a load of items and he will tell you how many are there in the blink of an eye… kyle looked back at andrew.. way to go Raymond, remind me to take you to vegas next time we’re stateside…
after an hour or so, the house was cleaned and back to normal… MAM! yelled andrew… need soup… feed me please… you’ll have to wait son, said morag, i’m tired and i’m having a well earned bath… she went upstairs… kyle was slouched on the sofa opposite… YOU, snapped andrew… kyle looked around… yes, YOU, AMERICAN BOY… what the… said surprised kyle… what?… make me soup… said andrew… i’m tired and weak, i need soup… you sat there and watched me and your mam tidy up while you caught up on all the spongebob on your sky plus, you should be making ME some!!… andrew stood up and walked to the front door, he opened it slightly, deafening screams and cheers rang out, then suddenly stopped as he closed the door, he went and sat down… ooops, whats this, he said reaching under the cushion, he pulled out an oscar.. oh look, an oscar,do you see that kyle, an oscar, wow, who’d have thought it, and.. whats that behind your ear?… he walked over to kyle and pretended to pull something from behind his ear… oh look kyle, a grammy, how the hell did that get there… he sat down and stared blankly toward kyle, oh and you missed a bit of dust off my GOLD ALBUM when you were cleaning up… i don’t care how much witchcraft you use, i’m not doing it, said defiant kyle… well, entertain me til mam is ready, said andrew… and make it funny, otherwise i will shine my shoe off your ass, that is how you say it isn’t it?… kyle smiled, you could try… hey, he continued, doesn’t the Pope owe you a concert? we could give him a call and go through the details… andrew sat forward and thought, without looking up he said… this is true Kyle, please call the pope and make the arrangements… kyle picked up the phone and dialed the vatican… hi there, can i speak to Benn, erm, his holiness please, ye tell him it’s kyle, he knows me… andrew looked up, well?… i’m on hold, replied kyle, oh, hi pope, er your holinedd, hows things, it’s kyle here, you remember… kyle screwed his face up and looked puzzled… erm, I was over there a few weeks back with Andrew Johnston, the singer?… ye, thats it, well, i don’t think… erm… but you promised… whats the problem? said andrew… kyle put his hand over the receiver, he said you cheated on virtua fighter or something… did he now!, said andrew grabbing the phone… hello? benny, yes, it’s andrew, yes, the one who LEGITIMITELY took you to chinatown on virtua fighter, what? what?… go easy soupy, said kyle… andrew continued… CHEAT? ME? CHEAT? so, you wanna make something of this? you wanna? YOU WANNA PIECE OF MEEE? YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME BENNY?, Ye? well, I’m comin over there to… kyle covered his ears, he watched andrew going red and yelling down the phone, after about 5 minutes he hung up… wow, said kyle, how long do we have before the popes henchmen kick the door in after that phone massacre… andrew flopped down, he hung up after the second cheat so i wouldn’t worry, he smiled, was nice to get that out of my system though… now, wasn’t you going to do me some soup?…
After Andrew’s little convulsion on the phone, Kyle figured he wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. Giving up, he headed to the kitchen to fix up a batch of soup. Kyle glanced over at the clock, while he was cooking. It was already 8:30; Kyle was exhausted, not to mention starving. The soup was finished, so Kyle walked into the other room, to let Andrew know his dinner was ready. However, as he walked into the living room, he heard a buzzing noise. To his surprise, he found Andrew passed out on the sofa, snoring. Just then, Kyle’s stomach growled at him – “Shh!,” he said , “you’ll wake him.” Slowly, Kyle turned around and walked back into the kitchen. He grabbed himself a bowl, and poured some soup for him. “You snooze you lose, Andrew!” he said aloud. He sat down at the table and began to eat. Kyle was chowing down, when Andrew appeared in the kitchen. He was standing still in the doorway, staring blankly ahead. Kyle saw him from the corner of his eye, froze with the spoon in his mouth, then quickly stood up and hid the spoon behind his back. He nudge the chair in, then said “Umm.. I was just tasting it… for you, sir.” Andrew didn’t respond. Kyle broke down in fear, falling to his knees, crying into his hands: “I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean to eat your soup; I was just so hungry. Please forgive me!” Kyle slowly removed his hands from his face, to see Andrew still standing there – staring blankly ahead. Suddenly, Andrew began walking towards the refrigerator, continuously moaning, “Need food. Neeeeeeeeed food!” Kyle stood back and observed.
Andrew opened the refrigerator, and peered inside. Still moaning his monotonous “need food,” Andrew slammed the door shut. Kyle jumped back in fear – “Oh god, he’s not finding what he’s looking for. I must act quickly!” Kyle looked on the counter top next to him, to find a bag of “Chocolate Digestives.” He slowly grabbed a hold of the bag, tiptoed around Andrew, and then placed the bag in front of Andrew within his reach. Andrew snatched the bag, tore it open, and began to shove the biscuits in his mouth. Full mouth and all, Andrew was still mumbling his sleepwalking phrase. As Kyle continued to watch, Morag walked in on the action. “What’s going on?” she asked, with a confused look. “Well – I’m not quite sure. I think he’s…. sleepwalking.” Morag moved closer to Andrew, seeing him devouring the biscuits. She then grabbed him by the shoulders, shook him, and said “Andrew, hun, wake up!” However, it didn’t work. She tried again, this time getting his attention. Andrew’s eyes suddenly widened, and his head jerked violently. He looked down at the bag in his hands, put it down on the counter, then backed away. “Shaney Magraney, what have you done Andrew?” Andrew, obviously confused, replied – “I dunno, mam. All I remember is sitting on the sofa, waiting for Kyle to make me some soup. Then, next thing I’m standing-” Andrew stopped talking and ran to the sink. Knowing what was coming, Morag and Kyle both turned their heads – hearing the sickening sound of what is vomiting. Andrew left the sink, and retired into one of the chairs at the table, holding his stomach, obviously feeling ill. “I think I ate too many biscuits,” Andrew said. “Nice call, captain obvious,” Kyle remarked. “Andrew, you should just go to bed, since you’re not feeling well.” Andrew nodded, then headed up the stairs to climb into bed. “Kyle, could you help me hide all the sweeties, incase it happens again?” Morag asked. “Sure thing,” Kyle responded. Morag and Kyle hid all the sweeties, then…………………….
He looked at his bedside clock and calendar and could not believe his eyes......a month had gone by since he remembered being sent to bed when he was not feeling well.He called to Morag...."Mam ,what’s the…
date, and have you been messing with my clock,” “no son” Morag replied, and then she came into his room.. “thats the date, thats the time.. you silly billy… what am I going to do with you??” Andrew got out of bed and looked at himself in the mirror.” he was totally shocked..
wow… he muttered to himself… look at those muscles… who’s the gym daddy in this house… eh… eh… his admiring glances were interrupted by a knock on the door… oi, andrew… said kyle… stop posing in front of the mirror and come downstairs, breakfast’s up! he walked toward the door, then leaned back for one more quick look… he growled at himself and winked....
walking in to the kitchen morag was just on her way out, gotta go out son, have made you and kyle some beans on toast, i might not be back til late so you pair will have to amuse yourselves for the day, i’ve left you some sweetie money in the cupboard… she swept out the front door, mobile ringing as she slammed it behind her… andrew ambled into the kitchen, kyle was already seated… yes, you start without me, he said to kyle… what? said kyle, i haven’t, i’ve been waiting here while you pout at yourself in the mirror all morning, most houses i know there’s a queue for the bathroom, in this one it’s for the mirror… he stopped, andrew was staring at his plate, then kyles, then back to his own… what?? said kyle, what?… andrew pushed his plate of beans on toast toward kyle… i think mother has given you the wrong plate… puzzled kyle looked back at him… andrew huffed… your plate has 97 beans on it, mine only has 94, the only deduction i can come to is that you have the wrong plate… they stared at each other… suddenly kyle grabbed his fork, he quickly stabbed three beans onto it and ate them… now, he said smiling, we have 94 each… so just shut up and eat… andrew grumbled to himself and picked up his spoon… one more thing, added kyle as they gobbled up their food… what? replied andrew, beans all over his face… i’d never dare steal your special bugs bunny plate.. he said sniggering to himself…
after they had finished and washed up the plates, they sat down… so, said kyle, what shall we do with ourselves today… andrew thought to himself… lets go back to america, i want to see some more of it.... erm… ok, said kyle, so where do we go? disneyland? grand canyon? vegas??? with your rainman skills we could clean up!… well, lets let fate decide, said andrew picking up an atlas… he flicked the pages open and found a map of america… he closed his eyes and plopped his finger onto it… kyle peered at where he had selected… hmmm… louisiana… erm… okay… lets go, but we better be careful out there… he scribbled a note for morag and phoned a cab, an hour later they were sitting on a plane…
They were just getting comfortable when the cockpit door opened and out walked the captain. The two boys’ mouths dropped open and then they looked at each other and Andrew said to Kyle, “Is that who I think it is?” and Kyle replied, “you bet your sweet bippy it is ......... “ With that he called to ...............
Before he could say anything he heard a voice coming from the cockpit,"Wow, Andrew someone has already heard about you becoming a singing star
and they are saying your dreams have come true, is that really the case?. The Captain appeared and the boys were so amazed to find it was vince which is why their mouths had dropped open. Vince, you look great when did you get your pilots licence? vince gave a grin and said......
you will never believe me if i tell you!!! well it was the swine flu that made me take the test… i kind of figured it would be the only way outta here when that there bug gets a hold on us all… i mean we all know that pigs can’t fly...ain’t no one gonna catch me!!!! especially no darn pig…
kyle said, Vince you are a star, we feel as if we are in safe hands now. Andrew decided he wanted to pop over to the states again ,what do you say? Vince said fasten your seat belts boys and before you could say jack rabbit they were off. Andrew looked at Kyle and said ,” I always knew Vince would look after us Kyle” now how can we repay him.I have an idea said Kyle ,we could......
andrew suddenly sat up in his chair.... what have pigs got to do with swines? he asked looking puzzled… oh, said kyle, it’s just another name for a pig… OH MY GOD… said andrew, his face looking drained… we have an even bigger problem… if pigs are swine and there’s some kinda flu going round that affects them, or indeed orginates from their species… think how much pea and ham i’ve consumed in my life… kyle thought for a while… then slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to andrew… erm… i’m just gonna sit over there for the rest of the journey....
...Although they had just been through much excitement, there was nothing really to do on the plane, and soon enough kyle fell asleep out of boredom and andrew was left to look out the window and dream about soup…
